First I would like to sincerely thank everyone that asks about how things are going in China and have we heard anything yet. I am overwhelmed by the support and love that we are given by family, friends and coworkers. The update this week, quite frankly SUCKS! (and trust me that was sugar coated). Referrals will be out early next week (if not this weekend). Now mind you cut off for referrals last month was May 25th. This months cut off: MAY 30th! Yup that is right it has taken the CCAA an entire month to give 5 days worth of referrals out. I feel horrible for those with a LID of May 31st, which FTIA has several. All we keep hearing is that there are not enough "paper ready" children. I am starting to wonder what the heck does that mean. All in all it will take four months to complete one month of LID'S. If this trend stays true, we will get our referral, oh about July, August or probably September, and that is being extremly optimistic. Which means, the shopping spree I went on a few weeks back.... I am taking back to the store for a refund. Just reminds me why I didn't shop (much) before I got Paul's referral.

IF I am moody or distant please don't take offense. And, if you can, ask how are you? Or ask about the weather, instead of when is your referral coming or do you know anything yet?? Ask anything,but when?? I would GREATLY appreciate it: because I don't know when the referral is coming, I am tired of guessing, and I would just be wrong anyways! Please know I don't mean to be nasty or anything, just honest and extremely frustrated.
> I am trying my hardest to be positive. For instance, I think to myself: that just gives me that much more time to lose weight before we go... too bad I am eating donuts like there is no tomorrow and I am looking forward to gorging myself with chocolate. Not to mention I can't wait for "girls" night tomorrow night. Ladies,don't mind me if I cry in my glass of wine. But to be honest my positive sunny disposition has gone right out the door. I am finding very little to be happy about our wait. I know it is out of our agency's hands, it is out of our hands, it is all in China's hands. But darn it, if it doesn't make life nearly impossible to plan for. It is funny in our adoption studies one question asked is "how would you handle unexpected delays?" Well, I am sure I wrote some kind of fluffy answer I thought they would like to hear like: I would just roll with the punches, Yah, NOT. I hate having absolutely no control what-so-ever over the situation. you just sit there blindly waiting for any glimmer of hope that maybe next time you will finally get to see your baby. Maybe just maybe it will be our turn to be blessed and our agency will say those four little words we have be so longing for: "we have your referral." The truth of the matter is: My heart and soul aches because my baby is somewhere out there in an Orphanage not getting the love and affection that I would give her. She should be home with us, where we can love her and give her the undivided attention she deserves. Baby Kyra, mommy loves you and says prayers for you every day that God watches over you. I know he does, and he will keep you safe. I can't wait to hold you and kiss your sweet face. It is absolutely amazing how much love I have for a child that is just a dream. A dream that some day......... will be a reality. The million dollar question is: WHEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Until next time~