Thursday, June 29, 2006
Dear Sweet Daughter - by Gayle Leubecker
Dear Sweet Daughter

As a girl I had a common dream, to be a mom someday.
My baby would have eyes of blue and hair the hue of hay.
But now my dreams have been transformed.
New visions fill my head.
Now the tresses that I long to stroke are raven black instead.
And in my dreams those eyes are not so big or blue or round.
Now in my dreams they're almond shaped and colored cocoa brown.
And in my dreams my arms can stretch across enormous seas.
They reach half-way around the world and hold you close to me.
As you grow in your birthmother’s womb, carefully knit together,
you're also growing in my heart, where you will stay forever.
And in my dreams the moment that your birthmother says good-bye,
I'll be right there to comfort you and hold you as you cry.
Our features may not look alike; we're different as can be.
But still I know the Father has created you for me.
And though I've not yet seen your face, or held your tiny hands,
and though we're half a world apart in very different lands,
I'll be right there to get you just as soon as God allows.
But ’til He says the time is right I give to you this vow.
I'll pray for your protection every day on bended knee.
For God to hold you in His arms, until you're here with me.
by Gayle Leubecker
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
Prenatal Care...
As a person that has had very limited experience with pregnancy and the importance of prenatal care... we have learned first hand what happens with the lack of possible prenatal care. Paul loves brushing his teeth. That is probably one daily ritual he actual participates in. He went to the dentist for his first official cleaning last month and did wonderful. However, during the visit the dentist noticed he had a few cavaties that he wanted us to get checked out. (we went to a family dentist, he sent us to a pediatric dentist). So we had our appointment today. Well, let’s just say he does not have a few cavities. He has SEVERAL. To make it worse they are not little cavity, the ones in the front of the mouth are big. I mean really big. Now, I know you are saying but these are his baby teeth, what is the big deal? Well, apparently it is a huge deal. So the Dr. recommends getting the teeth filled, and the ‘bad’ ones to be capped and oh yea, have nerve treatments. (Paul complains when he eats cold food, saying it hurts) You have to understand something; I have never had a cavity or anything. In the past two years I had my wisdom teeth out, and that was a HUGE ordeal for me. So when it comes to dental concerns, everything is HUGE to me. But, don’t think the Dr. insists we get this done… he did give us options. Let’s see here if I can recap them…
1. Do nothing, and have the teeth he has rot away… hmm that sounds like an excellent idea, NOT! He is not even three! Teeth aren’t to fall out till he is six or seven!

2. Pull his front teeth out… Well, sure he has already lost one tooth, darn toy he fell over. But um, no upper teeth at all? I don’t thinks so. Again, long time with out teeth and that doesn’t account for cavities in the back of the mouth!

3. We could have multiple visits to the dentist and use laughing gas each time and fill the teeth, do capping and have nerve treatments. Dentist did say this is a viable option, since he does wonderfully at the dentist and he loves brushing teeth. But he will remember the occurrences, and the likelihood of him having a HORRIBLE experience is very high. So, with predisposition to poor teeth condition and the fact that he will need to see the dentist regularly I am worried about this option as well.

4. Go to children’s hospital, use a local anesthesia and have all dental concerns (for now) corrected. Not remember the procedures, and move forward from here. BINGO. I think we will take this option.

Thankfully we have dental insurance and the cost of 3 or 4 would be the same in that regard. We just need to make sure our medical insurance will cover the hospital anesthesia etc. Now don’t get me wrong, I hate the fact that Paul has to be “put under’ but I am afraid this is just the beginning of a long history of dental issues, so I don’t want him to have a horrible experience and NEVER return to the dentist.

When the good Dr. was looking in Paul’s mouth, I was explaining to him that we do not know about Paul’s history prior to him being six months old… and his response, was “that explains a lot…” where he couldn’t say definitely No prenatal care = these problems. He said there definitely a good correlation to the two. So, I am trying to get over the fact that I feel like a horrible mom, and realize that we may have absolutely no control over this. I do have to be thankful that if this is the only “problem” we occur because of the lack of prenatal care. We are blessed. Moral of the Story? Take your kids to the dentist and if you are pregnant, take your vitamins and do what pregnant people are suppose to do!

~Until Next Time~
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
..some of our FTIA buddies were able to put faces to the names they were given yesterday. And let me tell you each and every one of the babies are beautiful. Their eyes were so dark and each told it's own story. A story that only they know. But so very soon, a new chapter in their life will occur; one that has a family that adores them, and cherish them, and will hold on to them forever. It brought me so much happiness to see the "posts" about referrals and then pictures today.
I have also been looking at sites regarding the regions where the babies came from. My heart was torn. On one hand babies looked very well cared for, on the other hand.. the image I can not get out of my head, of the cribs the babies sleep in... If I can figure it out I will post a link. but the cribs, are nothing that we see here in America, and actually I never saw one like this in Russia either. I am used to the rooms full of rows and rows of cribs. what I had not seen before were the cribs that had no mattress. Just a board to sleep on. Laying each day and night on a hard board. That breaks my heart! Paul in his orphanage had a little mattress, it wasn't anything to write home about, but it was something. From the pictures I see, the children in China do not. Another thing that amazes me, Russia, is very strict about what you can and can not publish prior to adoption, from what I gather China is not. There are pictures of children in the Orphanges, crib rooms etc. In Russia we were not allowed to take pictures of other children. I am sure I am going to make a lot of comparisons of the two countries. But I have to try hard not to do that. There is absolutely no comparing Russia, China and America. we are three individual countries.
I do have to say the rest of June has gone so very slow. I can not believe it is not JULY yet. I shamefully admit I have already started searching for rumors. Now I am realistic and KNOW that nothing won't come out for for a few weeks yet, but I was just fishing. It is nice to fish, and think... believe.. KNOW we will be next. (see that is me being positive again!). Ah well, tonight I will go to bed thinking of what a wonderful son I have at home, the daughter I will have, and the children I just met in a picture....
~Until Next Time~
Monday, June 26, 2006
There are so many people we want to wish our heartfelt congratulations to today . I am horrible with remembering everyone, so too all MY FTIA buddies, and JUNE buddies that just received your referrals congratulations!! For the two days of June that was left behind, and My July LID buddies, we are next. I am remaining positive and enjoying the ride. In about a month we will be celebrating! For the next month we will live vicariously through those that are traveling soon and can't wait to see all the new babies!!
~Until Next Time~
Thursday, June 22, 2006
ON the Bubble!!!
We are on the “BUBBLE”!!!! The most amazing thing happened today…….. Referrals were sent from CHINA and they actually went through the 28th of JUNE (2005). SO the rumors were right!!! I am so excited for our agency / blogging buddies, most of them will be getting their referrals early next week. Referrals were sent from China 3:00 A.M EST today and they are on their way to the UNITED STATES! They should be here some time on Saturday, so unfortunately our friends will have to wait till Monday to get pictures of their precious children… BUT who cares, they are here!!!! And GOD willing we will BE NEXT! Truly, unless China wants to be cruel and unusual, which I know they are not, they are the most kind and loving country; we are next, we are next, WE ARE NEXT!!! Did I mention there are only three days ahead of us… I think I did!!! But just incase you have never read this blog before: there is June 29, 30th and the 4th of July in front of us. It appears that there were no referrals from the 1st – 3rd of July (darn).

So break down what does this all mean: referrals should be here for June 16 – 28th, 2005 early next week. Then in about 30 ish days referrals should be given out again and we *should* be included (GOD WILLING). About 4 weeks after the referral we will get travel approval (TA) and then about 3-4 weeks after that we will travel and bring home little KYRA LYNN.

Nothing can ruin my mood. Not work, nothing! So watch out blogging world, then next few months I will be a mess. (okay I know, so what will be different from now!) I am sure I will feel it is the slowest month ever. BUT bear with me. 5 months of paper work, 12 months waiting… and a life time of wanting children will do this to a girl. And Please do not get me wrong, I absolutely adore my life, and my son Paul, but this adoption has been one hell of a ride, and I know it is no where near being over. But I am taking this last step with total optimism and I am not going to let delays or set backs get me down any more. (okay if we have a delay or set back remind me of this blog….) For today, I am happy and excited that we are finally becoming that family of four!

Ah and I do have to say one more thing.. .if you want to spend a day in the life of an “adoptive mother to be” check out the site unexpected miracles. (on my blog roll). L. has the most amazing knack to say what we *adoptive* mothers to be are feeling. We may not be physically pregnant, but I dare you to challenge any one of us to say we are not as attached to a child that we do not know, as a woman is to her unborn child. We may not give birth, but that child grows with in our heart just the same! And we will go through anything to bring our children home! God bless all parents, especially those that were touched by the amazing thing we call adoption!

~Until next time~
Monday, June 19, 2006
Finally a rumor I can live with :-)

I unfortunately did not have time to “blog” yesterday, so I did not get a chance to wish my dad, husband, and all father’s out there, a very HAPPY father’s day. Paul is blessed to have such a wonderful father and Grandfather.

Now, as I type this, I can’t even believe I am thinking it… let alone typing it. The Rumors this month has been GREAT! Rumor has it that referrals will go through the 28th of JUNE… that means only 6 days ahead of us! 6!!! 6!!! UM, do you want to hear the BEST part of that??? There are very few if any people Logged in July 1-3…. Now, trust me, my heart is extremely guarded and I know the definition of rumor. SO I know it isn’t fact. But for the first time in MONTHS I am starting to believe we will see pictures of our daughter by the end of next month / beginning of August. On my ticker I have says: hopeful referral by END of August. IF the current Rumors hold true it may be sooner than that. Oh, I am so hopefully referrals come out soon. I have a ton of buddies that are waiting anxiously for “the Call.” AND those that just got their referrals last month, already got their TA’s (travel Approval). All the sudden it feels real. I know it has been real for the 344 other days of this wait… but WOW. I have no idea how a pregnant person feels their last month before delivering, but I feel like I am going to jump out of my skin. I can hardly focus on anything, other than the rumor site and message boards. The anticipation has been so great for so long I think I may just fall apart once our referral does actually come. With Paul it was so different. We weren’t expecting a referral for 3-6 months and received one in a month. We didn’t have time for all this anticipation, or frustration. For now, I am going to enjoy the rumors, and pray that maybe just maybe they are true!

~Until Next time~
Saturday, June 17, 2006
Thrill Seeker!
You guessed it! Paul loves roller coasters! Okay, no not the “analogy” types… the real ones! Yesterday was a huge day in a 2 ½ year olds life. We went to PARAMOUNT KINGS ISLAND. Bob took the day off and I took a ½ day, we packed the car and went to PKI. Paul’s eyes were HUGE when we walked in. He could hardly contain his excitement. I could hardly hold back the tears, thinking my baby is growing up. I remember the first time I went to an amusement park, about his age, and had the exact same reaction. Needless to say, we had a wonderful exhausting time. First we went to the water area and caught some waves in the kiddy land… then it was off to the rides and a parade and then more rides. And of course it all ended with Fireworks. Paul says his favorite was the purple roller coaster. This morning he wanted to go back… Ummm, I don’t think so. Yes it was a wonderful time. But Oh MY GOODNESS it is expensive. I thought it was expensive when I was younger, but let’s just say that was nothing compared to yesterday. We will definitely leave PKI to special occasions. I hope to post pictures tomorrow of the trip.
~Until Next Time~
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
Roller Coaster Rides
Roller Coaster Ride…. Yup, that’s how my life feels right now, like a roller coaster. There are times that are smooth sailing, other times I feel like I am holding on for dear life and yet other times I feel like the climb up the hill will never ever end. The sad thing is that can all happen in one day. Right now the hill in front of us feels like it is never ending. I can see the top of it, but we just can’t seem to reach it. Actually at times, we slip backwards a few steps and need nudges to get moving again. One nudge this past week was; we got our appointment time for our re-fingerprinting. So, that will be all up to date again. We are saying prayers that we will be in the US Consulate by November 12th so we don’t have to redo any more paper work. That is the magical date for lots of our paper work. I keep on thinking we have to be getting close to the end of the ride. But for the time being it feels like endless. I guess I just can’t wait to get on that next “ride” and I am frustrated with this one. I want to start enjoying ourselves again and stop living each month by when the next batch of referrals will come out. I try hard not to focus on that, but the only person I am kidding is my self. I wish I could give up the “Rumor Queen” but it is an addiction… I wish I could say I don’t hang on every word of complete strangers that I have met through this adoption experience. But again the fact is, I hang on every word, praying just praying one of these days they will be right. But alas, I know we have at least two – three more months before our referral… So my dear readers (if there are any) I do promise you some day there will only be happiness on this board. And actually there is a lot of happiness, I just at times over shadow it with wallowing in my own self pity!

On to better news: This past weekend we had a fabulous time with family and friends. Saturday we celebrated my nephew’s 8th birthday. We started by taking the kids to the Movie “CARS”. Interestingly Caleb fell asleep the first half, Paul fell asleep the second half… Leah and the adults stayed up for the entire movie. After the movie we headed back to our house for a cookout and our neighbors joined us! All had fun. Then on Sunday we got to have a rainy picnic at Grandma Judy’s house. An added treat was: Aunt Laura was in town from Arizona. Paul enjoyed playing with his cousins and seeing Aunt Laura, we just hope next time Uncle Jay could come with her. And we miss Aunt Lynne deeply. Hope to see both of you soon!

Praying that some more friends get their referrals soon…….

~Until Next time~
Monday, June 05, 2006
11 Months Pregnant....
.... Enough Said!

~Until Next Time~